Octoberings

The leaves have turned and they are falling. No frost yet but the heat finally had to be turned on. This weekend was full of concerts and joy. Caught the end of Blue Heron after my rehearsal on Friday, went out for dinner on Saturday before seeing Jordi Savall and Hesperion XXI at Harvard. Met up with a gamba buddy I haven't seen in ages who drove down from VT for the concert and we drank beer and played gamba together well into the night. I cooked pancakes Sunday morning and had a lazy day before the Cambridge Concentus concert, followed by good food and going to bed early. What I was struck by this weekend is how many wonderful people there are out there whom I really enjoy and how little time I actually devote to seeing them. I've been holed up most of the semester spending a lot of time by myself here at home (and not as productively as I'd like) as well as a lot of time with K. I don't regret this because schlepping around to lots of parties and events is too much excitement for me but I have decided that I'm going to try to get out more. I'm not going to go to extremes but maybe I'll try to do one adventuresome thing a week. One thing I might otherwise not do out of fear, obligation, laziness, anxiety, etc. We'll see how it works out.

In other news, I am scrapping all of my bad left-hand habits and rebuilding my technique from scratch. It's about time and I knew it had to happen but the intonation on the cello recital was just not acceptable and is holding my playing back. I hate the patient and diligent work it takes to change something very fundamental about my playing but there is a masochistic part of me that enjoys how tedious it is, how frustrating. Because it's so obvious when you start to get it right and you can see the results of your work so easily.

But that work will happen tomorrow. Now for an early bedtime before a long (and hopefully productive) day.

Aftermath

I seem to have survived last week and come crashing into this week, which I plan to conquer as well!

I had a very strange experience on Sunday. I am a veteran procrastinator and under-practicer, I rarely get pieces as polished as I wish they would be. However, I don't think I've ever played a real concert (with audience and everything) feeling vastly unprepared before. And yet, despite messing up tons of things I know I can play and not knowing what was coming next, I played extremely well on Leon's recital. It was bizarre. I missed shifts, I flubbed runs, I played the wrong strings, and yet, I was musical and created the beauty I hoped to create. And the audience heard it too. They congratulated me with real sincerity, they truly enjoyed it. It makes me both chagrined and elated. I never want to be that unprepared again for a concert and yet, maybe this marks a new era in my performing life, actually being able to express my ideas on an instrument effectively. I hope so.

J left for Texas at early-as-hell-o-clock this morning and she'll be gone a whole week! I'm not sure what I'll do with myself and the emptiness of our house. I hope to practice a lot but I'll try not to become a recluse. Come over for dinner! Watch a movie with me!

Opera

Well, the opera is finally over! Thanks to T for sitting through 2 hours of early music to support J and I! Did it go well? Yes, in the end it did. Ultimately, the music itself was so good that I think we were all able to get beyond the difficulties we had in rehearsing it and really enjoy ourselves. At least, I enjoyed myself (when I wasn't worrying about my d-string going flat or how hot it was under all those lights!). In the end, I'm proud of all the work I put into it and how it came out. I almost wish there had been a reviewer there because I will stand by my performance. It is rare that I feel good enough about a performance to allow it to truly reflect on my abilities and last night was one of those moments. Feel free to judge me by last night, I made mistakes, yes, but musically, I did what I wanted to do.

Of course, after going out for a drink with the cast and orchestra, I left my bag at the bar (but remembered my cello) and only realized it when we'd walked 20 minutes to the T-station. Kindly, J and a musicologist friend walked back with me to get it and then back to the T where we caught one of the last trains that night and took the final 57 bus home. It was past 1:30 when J and I finally arrived home, me weary and with very very unhappy feet from my performing shoes (I have blisters on the bottom of my feet! Ouch!). Despite this, we had lots of fun telling offensive jokes and making fun of musicology, random drunk students, and ourselves. I haven't laughed that hard and that much in a long time and I am in good spirits today because of it.

Alas, no Friday night for me, I've got rehearsals from 4-9:30. If you find yourself doing such things, have a drink for me!

Acting Professional

I try to do this sometimes and usually fail. More often, it just happens without my knowing it. Last night, I played an opera. It was exhausting, mentally, physically (what circulation to my legs?), emotionally. Tonight, I do it again. There's a masochistic pleasure in putting oneself through such a thing to entertain and share music with others. It's satisfying and the exhaustion after validates how much effort you really put in. Saturday night, I play a recital. Sunday afternoon, I audition for a professional Baroque orchestra on cello and Sunday night, I play a huge concert on both six and seven-string gamba. I'm dealing with the details of going to Taiwan this summer to play concerts and give a masterclass. I just try to get through one day at a time and struggle to do everything I want to and maintain health and sanity. But on paper, here I am being a young professional musician. Very few people in the audience know I'm going to go home and bake cookies while dancing around to Klezmer or Celtic music in my pajamas and singing to the cats. Even fewer know what a struggle it is for me just to practice the instruments I love to play. And that's the rub, isn't it? Even the most elegant and "professional" among us are just people and those of us who are the least organized and competent can appear "professional" to those who don't know us.

The Joys (and Pains) of Consumerism

My roommate, J, and I decided to take yesterday afternoon off from life. After our oft-frustrating Monday class, we went on an MBTA adventure, making our way out to the Chestnut Hill Mall. After determining that the mall was way too upscale and expensive for our tastes, we climbed down a rocky slope (off-roading!) and made our way over to a Macy's where we found lots of things on sale. As usual, we spent most of our time perusing racks of dresses on sale, evaluating the cello-playing possibilities of them all.

Finding things to wear for performances as a cellist is difficult. I envy violinists and singers, the former having only to worry about collars getting in the way and the later entirely free to do anything as long as they look fabulous. The obvious problem with playing the cello is that it requires one's knees to be approximately 2 miles apart from each other. Thus are we ever on the lookout for very full skirts (we can be spotted in dressing rooms as the ones who find a chair to sit in to see if the skirt is wide enough). Additionally, as a Baroque cellist, the lack of endpin means I must be comfortable holding up the instrument with my legs. This is not as difficult as it appears (one gets used to it quickly) but particularly smooth and slippery fabrics make the cello less secure and often distract from the performance. Of course, beads and buttons and other ornaments are problematic because they could scratch the cello or rattle or buzz whilst I'm playing. As if this weren't enough, we must be very careful about straps as the movement of our bow-arm can lead them to fall off our shoulders. This happens to me a lot and at times I've had to resort to taping straps to the back of my shoulder to prevent this (most laughably, I did this with gaff tape at the Kennedy Center to prevent calamity during a performance available by live feed on the internet).

I haven't mentioned shoes yet! The height of them affects how high the cello sits (and thus your intonation) so they must be carefully chosen as well. I also like to test them for "tip-ability," whether they allow me to sit comfortably with my feet tipped at an angle (as I do when I play). Surprisingly, this varies a lot between heels and is impossible to predict. Some thin heels balance very well at an angle while some chunky ones do not.

Despite all these restrictions, I managed to find a lovely black dress that you can see if you come to my performance Wednesday or Thursday night. I'll only wear it one of the nights, so leave a comment to vote which night you want to see it!

Another Monday

Well, here we are again, back at the beginning of another busy week. I'm playing in an opera (concert version), a recorder recital and L's harpsichord recital (don't be deceived, I'm playing some really hard solo rep on it!). I've also decided to take an audition for Boston Baroque. I have very little time to prepare and I don't really expect to make their sub-list but I haven't played many auditions in my life (I hate them!) and it will be good practice for me. To pre-reward myself for all this, I've decided to take the afternoon off and go shopping. Silly as it is, having something new to wear to one of these events will motivate me to practice more.

I made rosemary focaccia and lasagne last night for a bunch of friends and L came over too. It was fun to watch people I love who don't know each other enjoy themselves together. I also got to play with construction paper and make posters for L's upcoming recital (for which T miraculously created an origami harpsichord!).

See you at the end of the madness!

Monday Morning

I have emerged from the dark and gloomy cave that was last week! All concerts went well, especially J's, she was amazing.

I watched the movie "Out of Africa" last night. It's from the mid-80s but is set in first-world-war-era Kenya and based on the real writings of a Danish Baroness who lived there for a while. Aside from such minor annoyances as Meryl Streep's fake Danish accent and a slightly overwritten score, it's a very moving film. During their long courtship, Streep and Robert Redford's characters face angry lions and unreadable Masai and other classically "African" things but also recite poetry to each other and tell made up stories. In one touching scene, he washes her hair on a river bank while editing out the "boring parts" of a poem. Besides the beautiful photography and story, what really spoke to me was this wonderful juxtaposition of "culture" and a love of the wild in the same people. At one point, they play a record of Mozart for a group of curious baboons. Unlike the classic "in the wild" movies where the uptight and cultured colonialists are lampooned in contrast to the "street-smart" hero, these protagonists have it all. It was so refreshing.

Too Many Rehearsals!

I love my chosen profession. I even love rehearsals. But I don't love these long days of running from one rehearsal to the next with hardly time to eat and certainly no time to learn the music.

I don't like the way I'm playing, it's sloppy and not nearly as good as I know I can play. Also, I'm not prepared for any of my rehearsals, I don't have time to warm-up or to look at the music beforehand. I scramble my way through trying to hit all the notes and hardly bothering to be musical.

I like being busy, I am happier when I've got projects and deadlines. But this week is insanity. I left the house this morning at 10:30 and got home 12 hours later having done nothing but attend class, rehearse, and grab some food. Tomorrow involves only 5 hours of playing spread over 7 hours, although four of those hours will be spent being told what to do by someone I usually disagree with.

Lest I spend an entire post complaining, here are a few upcoming concerts (all free!) with my parenthetical commentary:

--Thursday, 6:30pm at First Church Cambridge: Sarah Bellott's Recital.
(she's a really good soprano and is singing a lot (a lot!) of wonderful French Baroque stuff, the music is great but hard for me and is exhausting)
--Friday, 7:30pm at Beacon Hill Friends' House: Janey's Recital.
(come see my brilliant and intrepid roommate tackle the hardest Bach cello suite on a five-string-baroque-cello-beast and win! she also will play a sonata and some cantata arias for which I play accompaniment)
--Sunday, 3:00pm at First Church Cambridge: Cambridge Concentus
(this is going to be an amazing concert, we're playing Brandenburg 2, the one with the crazy hard trumpet part, and another concerto grosso by a guy named Heinichen, both have hard but awesome cello parts that I will be rocking out to)

That's it (it!) for this week, tune in next week for more crazy Baroque adventures!