Who'd have thought?

I feel strong! This is in large part thanks to Kayle and the rest of the kwifflebee-ers. I've been playing frisbee with them for the last few weeks on Tuesdays and rock-climbing on Wednesdays. I've always had a tortured relationship to exercise. I love playing games and running around with people but I get way too bored trying to do it by myself. Attempting to jog, I quit when I get tired; playing frisbee, I will keep going despite blisters on my feet and cramps in my legs. And I love it! Last night, climbing, I flashed a route that at first I thought would be too hard for me (it was rated 5.8+). Even Kayle (with all his extra height and wingspan) had some trouble with it. I felt like I could do anything! I don't know what will happen once the school year starts and I'm busy again, but for the summer, I'm going to keep running around as much as I can.

Sidenote: Lest you all think I was joking about being a bluegrass rockstar, I'm still writing, still composing, still making up songs in my head on the way home from the bus-stop!

Inspiration - Insomnia

You never realize exactly what is inside you until you allow it to find its way out into the light.

Sometimes thoughts creep along on growing fingernails, sometimes ideas exit in your breath, hitchhiking on a sigh or an exclamation. Sometimes a realization oozes its way out through your pores, mixing with your sweat. Sometimes poetry dribbles past your watchful lips, staining the paper translucent. Sometimes, music falls from your eyes, cocooned in teardrops, making its way towards the sea.

Why the hell not?

Dear Faithful Readers,

It's confession time. Some of you already know that I'm a vain fool with a weakness for folk music but I'm finally going to admit it to the world: I want to be a rock star!

Having recently been introduced to Pandora by J-the-amazing-and-technologically-cognizant, I've been listening to a lot of Chris Thile and have developed a huge crush on him. Here's the letter to him I've been composing in my brain:

Dear Chris,
You're fucking awesome. I don't know if you're aware of the existence and kick-ass-ness of the viola da gamba but if you're ever curious, I'm your girl! I want to tour the world with you; just think: Mandolin and Viol! It's a niche and no one's there yet. Let's not miss our opportunity.
Love,
Zoe

But with no recent experience playing non-Classical music, I doubt he'd believe how truly brilliant I am. Sometimes even I have trouble believing how brilliant I am! So, I'm going to prove it. Tons of people do the singer-songwriter thing so it can't be that hard! If Joanna Newsom can do it on harp, I can do it on viol. Maybe after I release my first solo album he'll be willing to give me a chance!

Besides, what else is the summer for if not ridiculously grand and futile projects?

In Others' Words

Lots of people post song lyrics on their blogs. Today, I offer you translations of two 17th-century Italian song lyrics from a lovely recital I played in last night.

They spoke to a nostalgia and infusion of memories that I've been feeling lately.

Lagrimosa Beltà

Tearful beauty
for whom I longed for so many nights with sighing,
how have you so become?

Who was that savage?
Whose heart, full of contempt,
could have proved harsh against you?

Misery, I know well, and you cannot deny it.
Time, the age of great worth,
has calmed the breast
has silvered the gold of thy beautiful hair.

Lady, see the end approaching,
see that everything is mortal and fades.
In time beauty becomes worthless,
it is the common blow that none may parry.

The rain comes after the calm
and after the lightening bolt, grim thunder;
who is cruel does not merit pardon,
to be faithless to love is a vile outrage.

To such a vision, Ladies, render up your hearts.
With piety and humility,
learn to leave that sumptuous pride and
soften thy thoughts.

Beauty displays its splendor not in such as she,
nor ever did.
Then let she who would have lasting beauty
avail herself of pity.

Amanti, io vi sò dire

Lovers, I can tell you
that it is much better to flee
from a pretty woman:
whether she is cruel or merciful,
whatever the situation,
to die for love is madness.

You need not think
of finding joy in love,
the happiness of love
is a thing of the moment,
and after all a beautiful woman
never bestows roses without thorns.

The hope of enjoyment is based on suffering,
beauty and courtesy
do not go hand in hand,
I can say, to my misfortune,
that love goes together with death.

It would take floods of tears to put out the volcanoes
of a heart in love,
of a soul that is inflamed . . .
Before it reaches shelter,
how often it says: Alas, I am dead!

Believe in one
who can say from experience: I saw, I was:
If you won't believe,
let it be,
it matters little to me,
carry on loving.
In any case,
those who must break their necks
will not escape steep slopes or deep falls.
As the wise proverb always says:
You cannot escape your destiny.

My lady, I know who you are,
Cupid, I know what I am doing,
I'll have nothing more to do with you,
keep your distance, both of you!
If everyone were like myself,
Cupid would be a fool, and not a god.

Reflections on a year in Boston

My roommate requests that I update this now that the recital is over and so I will do it just for her!

The only news of interest is the recital so I'll start there. It went well. Actually, that's an understatement, it went really well. Better than I had hoped. Sure there were mistakes (lots of them, some more serious than others) but they didn't ruin anything and the parts I didn't mess up are really spectacular. Val told me (with tears in her eyes because she had a bad cough!) that I was in a completely different place than I had been a year ago when last she heard me play. Listening to the recording, I hear she's right. I don't know what it is but I sound like a professional who makes a bunch of mistakes instead of a student who plays very well. A strange distinction but accurate. I seem to have developed a poise and confidence in my playing that I've never had before. I don't know how, maybe it was meeting all these people who think I'm a great musician. I think I'm starting to believe them! I know I didn't work as hard as I could have this year. I didn't practice as much as I wanted to. But I played a lot. And I performed a lot. I think I finally got some of the "experience" I was so sorely lacking in Oberlin. I may not like living outside of the Oberlin bubble but it's been good for me musically.

So now the summer officially begins for me. As usual I have lots of ambitious plans I will not get around to or end up finishing but I like having them nonetheless. Proof of my greed for life, a testament to a vision of who I try to be. I have accepted that I want too much, I cannot live all the lives I desire, accomplish all the things I wish I could. So wanting them all will have to be enough and I'll do what I can.

What are your goals/hopes for the summer?

I want to learn a lot of new music. I want to cook new and interesting recipes. I want to play lots of frisbee. I want to read a lot of books. I want to figure out what I'm going to do after I graduate from BU (hopefully get a Fulbright to Europe to study with someone amazing). I want to plan interesting concert programs for next year and get some workshop/teaching gigs. And most importantly, I want to have fun with people I love!

Absence makes for bad blogging

I haven't posted in a while and I probable won't again for another while (so many whiles, or was it wiles?). My recital is on May 16th and until then I'll be practicing and trying not to stress out too much. For the meantime, you'll have to amuse yourselves without me.