Acting Professional

I try to do this sometimes and usually fail. More often, it just happens without my knowing it. Last night, I played an opera. It was exhausting, mentally, physically (what circulation to my legs?), emotionally. Tonight, I do it again. There's a masochistic pleasure in putting oneself through such a thing to entertain and share music with others. It's satisfying and the exhaustion after validates how much effort you really put in. Saturday night, I play a recital. Sunday afternoon, I audition for a professional Baroque orchestra on cello and Sunday night, I play a huge concert on both six and seven-string gamba. I'm dealing with the details of going to Taiwan this summer to play concerts and give a masterclass. I just try to get through one day at a time and struggle to do everything I want to and maintain health and sanity. But on paper, here I am being a young professional musician. Very few people in the audience know I'm going to go home and bake cookies while dancing around to Klezmer or Celtic music in my pajamas and singing to the cats. Even fewer know what a struggle it is for me just to practice the instruments I love to play. And that's the rub, isn't it? Even the most elegant and "professional" among us are just people and those of us who are the least organized and competent can appear "professional" to those who don't know us.