Singing

Listening to the recording of J's Spanish Renaissance concert, I was struck by how enormously nostalgic it made me. Not just because all five voices belong to friends whom, with the exception of J, I haven't seen in a long time, but because I miss singing. And it's more complicated than even that. I have recordings of lots of the music I love. I was subbing in a church choir in the fall but didn't enjoy it and have been turning down their offers. There is something primal (for lack of a better word) about singing. Rather than grappling with an instrument you ARE the instrument. And to lose yourself in the sound created by a group of people singing is the most wonderful experience imaginable. It is odd that this should be the case for me. I am a good instrumentalist and I enjoy playing in ensembles but that only approximates the joys of group singing. I am not a singer. I am under no delusions about my voice, it is not particularly beautiful, nor do I know how to wield it particularly well. I have no plans to change my life and attempt to become a singer but oh, how I miss it! The wash of harmony and the intertwining of individual lines. The feel of the words in your mouth, who cares what they mean! The physicality of the resonance and the connection to people who are experiencing the same ecstasy as you. It's intoxicating. Almost enough to start a choir of extremely musical non-singers to sing purely for pleasure! Maybe after I finish the millions of other projects I'm already working on. For now, I will listen to the Tallis Scholars with the yearning of an addict who can only watch others get high.